- Feb 1, 2005
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Not a good day for A&C........Having neither scored or created and goals in the Premier League goals this season, you can imagine how i'm feeling at not being called up for the England squad this summer.
Not a good news day for ITK either yesterday i'm afraid. It started with The Goat, who told us 'No Hazard'
The Goat said:Hazard will be going to City and they have offered ridiculous amounts of money.Hard to compete with that.
More on this later.
Then, several hours later POTL agreed with The Goat when he said
POTL said:We've missed out on Hazard, has agreed to join City.
Bad news. Bad bad bad.
Then Jasper on Dembele
Jasper said:I believe it is possible that we are pursuing this one, we have spoken to Fulham and have reopened talks, now who knows where that may or may not get to. This much I think I am aware of.PS: I rather-ed just posting it on an existing thread for obvious reasons.LaterInquiries and talks mind, I have not said 'done deal' or anything like that so be warned.
I read somewhere that this one was for if a disaster were to occur on Saturday.
Then POTL on Verthongen
POTL said:Pretty much agreed now. Happy days.
Although there is a school of thought that what he actually meant was that Harry is Potsy and we're signing The Paulo.
Jasper soon came out in support of POTL
Jasper said:All that I will say on this is pretty much 'done' with just some little bits to sort out, and the rest is agents propaganda me thinks.
Looking promising. But we're veteran ITK watchers, right? Dotted line, holding the shirt, official site. You know the drill.
Then berba1981 posted
The Jury is out on Berba for now but The Goat heard thatberba1981 said:Extremely close !! Better player than Papiss Cisse according to my source !! Coys
Zippadee doo Dah!The Goat said:Harry met Remy today
Here's something I knocked up earlier, TBH I don't like it much myself but meh, after writing it it seems like a waste not posting it. WARNING: (astonishing that I have to) Contains deliberate spelling mistakes as well as any I might have made accidentally. Jeez.
THE ENGLAND JOB AND WHEN HARRY MET SHALL HE
The dust had barely settled as Fabio Capello’s chariot sped out of London before Harry was being touted as the man to replace him. What a lot of people don’t know is that Harry made his mind up that very same night. Or had it made up for him.
At the exact moment Capello’s departure was announced, in a dimly lit East End cafe a gathering took place of some high profile football figures. Well, I call it a gathering it was more like a poker school.
Harry sat looking at his cards, to his left sat the Dildo brothers, Gold & Sullivan, next around the table was Arsene Wenger and the table was completed by Martin Jol and Roy Hodgson.
Arsene Wenger had long ago given up trying to read Harry’s twitch, it seemed to give nothing away and he was buggered if he knew how to play the game anyway. He only took part so that he came across as one of the ‘lads’. He’d far rather be sat at home enjoying a glass of fine wine whilst leafing through his collection of 12th century pornographic etchings. ‘I fold’ he said as he slapped his cards down on the table.
David Sullivan laughed. ‘We never made our money by folding did we David?”
David Gold laughed “No David, we made our money selling buttplugs”
‘Cut the banter boys, how many cards do you want?’ said Roy Hodgson. Arsene Wengers ears pricked up on hearing the word ‘boys’.
Suddenly the phone rang. Mustapha, the owner of the café, picked up and answered. A burst of excited Turkish followed and he replaced the receiver. ‘hey lads, lads….you’re not going to believe this but Capello has resigned’
Martin Jol laughed ‘That’ll put the cat amongst the pitjens for shore’ he said in that lovable thick Dutch accent of his. Roy Hodgson sat silently in contemplation as his eyes flickered over to Harry then to his cards and back to Harry again.
‘Who do you think will get the job?’ asked Wenger, ‘it isn’t of interest to me’ he continued ‘but the press love you Harry.’
At that moment David Sullivans phone rang. ‘Yeah, OK, come over’ he said and ended the call. ‘Nothing important lads, just some tart I know, wants to make it in films if you know what I mean’ he said as he winked and nudged David Gold.
Ten minutes later the door opened and this absolutely stunning bird walked in. Think a cross between Kelly Brook and Selma Hayek. Harry Redknapp’s tongue fell out of his mouth and rolled down his face like a carpet unraveling.
David Gold said ‘gentlemen, meet Sally’.
Harry was transfixed. Roy Hodgson’s eyes were flicking between Harry and Sally, BMJ shifted to the left as his boner grew and Wenger sat there uninterested, counting his poker chips as the Dildo brothers looked on laughing.
Sally asked where she could powder her nose. BMJ grinned and pointed at his navel as Sally entered the ladies room.
‘OK’ said David Sullivan ‘we’ve got an idea how to make a killing on the next England manager, its obviously going to be Harry and the price is going to be shit. Harry, would you take the job if it was offered?’
Harry looked up and put his tongue away. ‘Not half me old china’ and his face twitched thrice, a sure sign he was sincere.
‘How about you Woy?’ Said Gold
‘Fuck off with that Woy business’ said Hodgson. ‘Yeah I’d like to give it a go’
David Sullivan put down his laptop. ‘Harry is odds on Roy is 6/1’
David Gold smiled. ‘Harry, we’ll give you a cut if you turn the job down’
‘No fucking way’ said Harry. ‘No chance, dream job, honour, couldn’t turn it down’
‘Yeah yeah’, said Gold ‘What’ll it take? Are we talking Rosie 47 here or what?’
BMJ said ‘I’ve got an idea…….Look at his face, he fancies that bird, Shall he’
Wenger asked who Sally was. 'The bird who just came in' said Sullivan. Wenger smiled, those shifty eyes of his glistening above his hawk like beak 'I didn't see it'. Everyone groaned.
‘Shall He, Shall He’ shouted BMJ. Harry couldn’t deny it as she walked back into the room.Harry looked at BMJ. 'You fat ****'.............. ‘OK OK I’ll pass on the job for a night with her’
Sally walked over to Harry, took him by the arm and led him out the door and into a waiting car.
‘The Dildo brothers smiled as they placed their bets. BMJ and Roy had a slice of the action too and even Arsene Wenger had a small flutter. So for several weeks every time Harry and the England job was mentioned only a small number of people knew the truth. All they had to do was feed the speculation for a while and increase their wagers every time the odds went up.
In due course the FA approached Harry, who turned the job down leaving the FA nowhere else to turn. And that is how Roy Hodgson got the England job.
Contrary to popular belief Harry does learn a lesson and is currently rotating between Sandra and Sally. He is tactically astute as he is playing it smart, Sandra has no idea and he can keep his gob shut in front of a microphone because the press have no idea. Until now
And finally...............My wife was getting undressed to come to bed last night and said "I forgot to tell you Angela found out on her 40th Birthday that Dave has been sleeping with a 19 year old glamour model?"
"That's disgusting" I replied
"Dave is a creep isn't he?" she asked.
"Dave is a lucky bastard" I replied "I was talking about you with no clothes on"
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