Updates Please

[yiddobrett]

Hello all, I'm looking for a wee bit of help here.

I've just come home from two weeks in Cuba and haven't been able to get up to date with much, all I know are the results.

Has there been any other news? Is Defoe on loan? Did he slate us when he left? How are the new boys fitting in? Etc etc etc.

All information will be much appreciated.

 

[General Levy]

Search the transfer whore forum.

Welcome back.

p.s Defoe is not on loan and he never slated us! ;-)

 

[bomberH]

In a nutshell....

Ramos has ordered Huddlestone to lose at least 3 inches from his cock. Turns out the reason King hasn't been playing isn't due to his knee, but his massive member has been weighing him down, so they had a squad cocktest and Hudd was the meatiest. Steed's offered to lend his old one to Hud but Hud declined, due to reasons not so black and white.

Ramos has also ordered all the players to shave parts of their eyebrows as it makes them sprint faster. Lennon's mum is attending the training ground next week to do the rest of the squad. Some players were in uproar when they found this out, hence Stalteri going out on loan to Fulham.


Ramos was furious when he found out last week that some of the players have been doing a bit of moonlighting on top of their football. On attending Lennon's house, he saw Keane there fitting some crazy paving whilst Lennon was jumping up and down shouting 'yeah, yeah look at my garden innit'. After the Sunderland match a couple of weeks ago, Ramos realised Hudd wasn't on the team bus to go home so they left without him. The coach driver spotted him as they were driving out of the ground, standing outside Rudolphs stopping people from coming in. £12 an hour apparently.

Defoe did sign for Pompey on a 4 year deal but he almost failed his medical. Pompey's medical includes a section where they show new players pictures of Harry Redknapp's face and they're not allowed to laugh. Defoe stuggled through this, smiled a few times, but didn't actually burst out with laughter, otherwise he'd have been the 431st person to fail the medical. When asked if he was glad he signed for Pompey, Defoe replied 'Definitely'. When asked what he had for dinner that night, Defoe replied 'Definitely.

Tomas Pekhart did an interview with a Czech newspaper where he said he loved Spurs and everyone's been helping him out really well, which was translated into English as 'Robbo's a ****'.

We signed a few new defenders, including a Brazilian! Woodgate has been causing trouble already, nicking Berbatov's alice bands. A translator has been hired for the other defender due to the difficulty he's having communicating the English language, but they're hoping Hutton adjusts quite quickly.

Thats about all the news i can recall. It's all true, don't bother googling.

 

[chrissivad]

:lol: brilliant

 

[Chuba]

LOL BomberH sums it up really