A day in the life of 'arry

[SargeantMeatCurtains]

It's nachurool fer me to think they can gah all the way


The alarm on me Nokia 3210 wakes me up at 'arf 6. It’s arf an 'our before me wife, Sandra and our bulldogs — Rosie and Buster — get up. They’re only six and nine years old and it means I can get me clobber on and leave without them knowing, which is probably best.

We live in west london and it takes me abaht 50 minutes to get to QPR's training gr'and. I’ll have me brekkie there — something like a bacon sarnie with braaaaan sauce and a purple KA, and occasionally a bit of Kevin Bond's sausage and Samba's black puddin. In Poplar, where I come from, I might 'ave three or four pints a day.

After brekkie I’ll meet with me coaches to pretend to plan training. The players have to be 'ere 'arf an 'our before trainin starts, but most of them will come in earlier for treatments and a pre warm-up with me trouble n strife Sandra, all me lads love her headin' drills, except for Bent, useless caaaaaant. Training begins at arf 10 and we piss abaat for an 'our and preten to train

We like our sessions to last a good 90 minutes. All mah players work hard and their commitment this season has been triffic. We’re bottom of the table and i tell me players, i tell'um they should be praad ov themselfes cos at least they are at the bottom ov the best table in the world.

We finish abaat midday, then I’ll go back to me office, and fuck abaat looking at me compootore that i avent got a fucking clue ah to use, so i just stare at me Shakhtar memorobeeleea, and pretend to reflect on the morning’s session, and talk to the coaches abaat where to park in our goal. I’ll also speak to the medics to see if Jenas as got over ez bout of invizibillitea. Once training finishes, players are free to fuck off or ave some lunch. I usually ang abaat and have a bite to eat — maybe some pie and mash, or jellied eels.

In the East Side, every kid dreams about becoming
a footballer. Me first memories of football are ov me dad takin me to watch me favorit club arsenool. I liked to wind up the tottenham fans by telling them this every FIVE FUCKING MINUTES. I’ve been going to see 'em since i was 4.

In me last season at tottnam i won the top 4 cup which was really triffic. I also won me cowt case and was allah'ed to keep all me money, and had a right cheeky time hitchin me skirt to the FA ovah the Engerlund job.

Today it’s triffic to be the manager of QPR, and this season couldnt av gone better really. But we want to finish in the top four… we want to qualify for the Champions League, and i think we av a real chance of that, if me maffz serves me well.

I like to leave the gr'and by 5pm, and when I get 'ome I’ll unwind by playing with the kids and dogs. In England, the woman cooks me fuckin dinner, and Sandra and I keep to that tradition. We’ll have a lot of differrrent things. Like fish and chips, chicken and chips. And me favourite, pie and chips.

Unless there’s a game on TV I won’t watch anything, Jamie usually takes over the telly. Arand 10pm we’ll put Jamie and the dogs to bed, which is always a big, big tear up! We’ll go to bed straight after. The last thing I’ll do is set me alarm to wake me up at arf six. really, I’m no different from any other person in any other job. I CERTANLEE AINT NO FUCKIN WHEELER DEALER. FUCK YOU JEFF.

 

[Shadydan]

Absolute Gold!

 

[panoma]

Thanks! Needed a good laugh !

 

[BringBack_leGin]

I assume that this is an ironic jibe at the wankers who genuinely believe Harry to be some wide boy piss head wheeler dealer who knows nothing of training and tactics, and not a sad and vitriolic assault of sarcasm on our best and most successful manager of the premiership era.

Just because avb looks like he's going to be an improvement (let's judge after more than 31 league games eh), doesn't lessen Harry's successes, even if at the end he did fuck up.

 

[MightyModric]

I assume that this is an ironic jibe at the wankers who genuinely believe Harry to be some wide boy piss head wheeler dealer who knows nothing of training and tactics, and not a sad and vitriolic assault of sarcasm on our best and most successful manager of the premiership era.

Just because avb looks like he's going to be an improvement (let's judge after more than 31 league games eh), doesn't lessen Harry's successes, even if at the end he did fuck up.

lighten up mate

 

[BringBack_leGin]

lighten up mate

No, actually, I won't. Harry's not out manager anymore, I was never a huge fan when he was anyway, but he did a good job and, unless he says something inflammatory about Spurs to the media, doesn't deserve to have the piss taken. He's nothing to do with us anymore, so we should bloody move on. Avb being good doesn't mean Harry was bad, the performances of the two managers are quite mutually exclusive actually. So it annoys me to see constant bashing of a guy who, albeit flawed and especially at the end of last season, took us from being a club adrift at the bottom of the table to, two years later, a club who I was watching fr behind the goal in the San Siro as Bale scored a hatrick. Under Harry I saw us finally consistently beat Arsenal (his record was 3 wins, 2 losses, 3 draws, can't remember a Spurs manager doing better, I saw us play some exhilarating football, and for the first time ever I felt that my beloved club could become great again.

We reached the end with him at the right time, but the unprovoked and childish disdain shown to him on this board is pathetic. Just move on and focus on the potentially great manager and team we have now, that's far more constructive.

 

[fieryjack]

I appreciate what Harry did but I always got the impression he didn't have a clue as to how he did it.

 

[Bill_Oddie]

I assume that this is an ironic jibe at the wankers who genuinely believe Harry to be some wide boy piss head wheeler dealer who knows nothing of training and tactics, and not a sad and vitriolic assault of sarcasm on our best and most successful manager of the premiership era.

Just because avb looks like he's going to be an improvement (let's judge after more than 31 league games eh), doesn't lessen Harry's successes, even if at the end he did fuck up.

I'd say you can take it either way. And the former is more satisfying, so let's do that.

There would be an equally amusing one to be written in pidgin Spanish about Ramos, getting up at half past five in the morning to remove the ketchup bottles, etc and so on, but this, for me, works better as Harry was a more recent manager... and SMC has nailed it comedy-wise. Well played, sir.

 

[hellava_tough]

No, actually, I won't. Harry's not out manager anymore, I was never a huge fan when he was anyway, but he did a good job and, unless he says something inflammatory about Spurs to the media, doesn't deserve to have the piss taken. He's nothing to do with us anymore, so we should bloody move on. Avb being good doesn't mean Harry was bad, the performances of the two managers are quite mutually exclusive actually. So it annoys me to see constant bashing of a guy who, albeit flawed and especially at the end of last season, took us from being a club adrift at the bottom of the table to, two years later, a club who I was watching fr behind the goal in the San Siro as Bale scored a hatrick. Under Harry I saw us finally consistently beat Arsenal (his record was 3 wins, 2 losses, 3 draws, can't remember a Spurs manager doing better, I saw us play some exhilarating football, and for the first time ever I felt that my beloved club could become great again.

We reached the end with him at the right time, but the unprovoked and childish disdain shown to him on this board is pathetic. Just move on and focus on the potentially great manager and team we have now, that's far more constructive.

To be honest Le Gin, you're writing about a manager who doesn't mind taking the mick out of himself in TV adverts.

I think 'Arry would find the OP funny in all fairness, so perhaps you should lighten up.

 

[BringBack_leGin]

To be honest Le Gin, you're writing about a manager who doesn't mind taking the mick out of himself in TV adverts.

I think 'Arry would find the OP funny in all fairness, so perhaps you should lighten up.

I shall follow the below advice and assume that the OP is having a dig at the wankers and not the man, at least until informed otherwise. Won't lighten up though, the treatment Harry gets on this site is appalling.

As for him taking the piss out of himself making it okay for others to follow suit, that's a load of shit. Nobody has a more self deprecating sense of humour than me, but if someone else says about me some of the things I say about myself they'll probably end up a few teeth down.

I'd say you can take it either way. And the former is more satisfying, so let's do that.

There would be an equally amusing one to be written in pidgin Spanish about Ramos, getting up at half past five in the morning to remove the ketchup bottles, etc and so on, but this, for me, works better as Harry was a more recent manager... and SMC has nailed it comedy-wise. Well played, sir.

 

[HotspurFC1950]

Harry did great for us. Set us up for where we are now.

 

[Gassin's finest]

Harry did wonders for us and he's what we needed at the time. But regardless he's a huge media personality that is ripe for parody, which he acknowledges as much as anyone... and we all know he's full of shit anyway. I had a lol anyway

Anyway, its an obvious rip rather than damnation... 'Arry would never live in West Laandan!!

 

[Don_Felipe]

East Side?

Fink you've got the rong 'arry

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry's_New_York_Bar

 

[Don_Felipe]

East Side?

Fink you've got the rong 'arry

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry's_New_York_Bar

And for being a smart arse I've noticed that's in Paris, not NYC... oops

ahem

http://nymag.com/listings/restaurant/harrys-steak/

 

[E17yid]

Brilliant. I was thinking this when I read the AVB one but you did It better than I ever could. Hilarious. .

 

[camaj]

How does he find time to play Mario Kart Wii with Jamie?

 

[JimmyG2]

Can't see that the skit on Harry shows any disrespect to Harry's achievements.
When Harry was here there was a great deal of idolisation of him
and anyone who criticised or pointed out his weaknesses, was given short shrift.
'In Harry we trust' and all that.
He done good while he was here but just as the OP does
he played up to his Cockney geezer image mercilessly.
He inherited a good squad and almost despite himself did a good job with it,
building on the progress under Jol.
I acknowledge his success but found the man an embarressment most of the time.
Thank God we don't have to put up with those Press Conferences any more
with Harry cosying up to his mates in the Press.
These days we are a more professional and serious outfit under AVB
and all the better for it.,

 

[Liquidator]

This was a funny post, and most welcome at the start of the day.

What we find funny is a very individual thing, but clearly many (most?) of us enjoyed the satire in the spirit it was meant. It was affectionate rather than malicious.

 

[parklane1]

lighten up mate

Indeed.

 

[Gardham90]

Funniest post I've seen on here in a while.